I've only heard this twice in the online world but I shudder to think that there are a number of men who believe this.
Our comments comes from a blog entry that deals with a woman having to deal with past mistakes yet is moving forward with her life.
Here's the comment made by a male poster:
I agree everyone did make bad choices but ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN in the last 20 years you have ran shit! Its sad and I'm a black man. But you all are in a position of power right now. With everythig going on with the Black Man right now it is up to you now to lead and to be an example for us now. If you hold yourself to a certain standard it will force us to raise the bar. Think about it if most females made it a point that they wasn't messing with niggas unless they had a college education or a diploma of higher education of some sorts you would see a lot more cats going to school. Its a shame that's our motivation or their motivation but it's true. Instead you want that baller you want that drug dealer you want this guy that's giving you all the intimacy but nothing intellectually and then at the end of the day wonder why you are in the situation you are in. LADIES raise the bar!!!
My response to his post:
I agree that there are Black women with low standards but why can't misguided Black man set their own bar? Do Black men not have their own minds? Who's setting the bar for Black women? We don't need anything but a fucked-up situation (or someone else's) to put us on the right path.
Since statistics suggest that Black women are wise enough to take their lives by the reigns (i.e., employment, education), why can't Black men follow suit? It seems like you wanna absolve lazy bums of any wrongdoings and excuse them for creating their own shitty lives. They need to learn discipline and personal responsibility.
And the quality of your life shouldn't be geared towards gaining attention from the opposite sex. Anyone that lives like that doesn't have that much to live for.
I think there's something strange and terribly wrong with asserting that weak-minded men will follow suit if we (Black women) raise our standards. That is a cop-out. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Personal responsibility is always demanded of Black women. We can't get away with being fuck-ups. Also, the male poster seems to forget that Black women have already taken the role of leadership. Statistics have shown that an overwhelming majority of Black children are raised by single mothers. If being a dual parent isn't leadership, I don't know what is.
Also, let's call this problem for what it is --- baby boyism. Boys and girls are raised differently. Boys tend to be coddled a lot more than girls are. Girls tend to be expected to act responsibly. Both parties go out into the real world and the young man is ill-equipped.
Black women that are on the right track didn't need a man to raise the bar in order for us to know that we needed to get our lives in order. Normally, it takes being tired of bad predicaments to set us straight. Why would someone suggest that Black men needed more than a reality check? Also, the want for change should be genuine and not about fuckability. Change because you hate being useless. Change because you want to stand on your own two. Change because you have goals to set and accomplish. Change shouldn't be centered around gaining the attention of that hardworking woman that wouldn't give you the time of day.
Please let me know if I'm missing something because I'd like to know why personal responsibility is unpopular.
The male poster's last sentence was on point.